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transiency_maja_kuzmanovic [2017-04-04 19:37] – majatransiency_maja_kuzmanovic [2017-04-04 19:39] – maja
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 As a guiding theme I took the title of Treya and Ken Wilber’s book "Grace and Grit". I described seven episodes from the last seven years of my life, where the 'grit' of dis-ease become fertile ground for grace. I focused on mind training - particularly in meditation and rituals - as a way to experience grace in the midst of the grit chronic illness. I was curious to see if/how this could work in terms of content and format. I decided not talk about all aspects of my illness, but to focus on the theme I found most relevant to the re-treat, namely the connection between illness and contemplation.  As a guiding theme I took the title of Treya and Ken Wilber’s book "Grace and Grit". I described seven episodes from the last seven years of my life, where the 'grit' of dis-ease become fertile ground for grace. I focused on mind training - particularly in meditation and rituals - as a way to experience grace in the midst of the grit chronic illness. I was curious to see if/how this could work in terms of content and format. I decided not talk about all aspects of my illness, but to focus on the theme I found most relevant to the re-treat, namely the connection between illness and contemplation. 
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 With all my good intentions, I did not take into account how my selection of excerpts (with a focus on how I helped myself through dis-ease) could inadvertently hurt people who know me. Some felt guilty or even angry at me for not asking for more help, or not sharing enough, or for not acknowledging their contribution to my healing. Others felt remorse for not having done more. One of my closest friends burst into tears and a half-hour tirade of accusations that I have so much rage in me and express it in ways that only hurt others, making them feel incapable and unworthy.  With all my good intentions, I did not take into account how my selection of excerpts (with a focus on how I helped myself through dis-ease) could inadvertently hurt people who know me. Some felt guilty or even angry at me for not asking for more help, or not sharing enough, or for not acknowledging their contribution to my healing. Others felt remorse for not having done more. One of my closest friends burst into tears and a half-hour tirade of accusations that I have so much rage in me and express it in ways that only hurt others, making them feel incapable and unworthy. 
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 However, the pain that characterises most of my recent interactions with the hosting community need time to heal. I won't go into any more details here, but suffice to say that I am rather crushed by the experience. I need distance to understand if and how to continue relating to this group. I hope that the distance will help me find some meaningful answers. If resolution proves impossible, at the very least I hope to find enough equanimity to close this chapter on my own. However, the pain that characterises most of my recent interactions with the hosting community need time to heal. I won't go into any more details here, but suffice to say that I am rather crushed by the experience. I need distance to understand if and how to continue relating to this group. I hope that the distance will help me find some meaningful answers. If resolution proves impossible, at the very least I hope to find enough equanimity to close this chapter on my own.
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  • transiency_maja_kuzmanovic.txt
  • Last modified: 2017-04-08 08:48
  • by maja