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What has made these weeks less enjoyable was the context switching, even though the activities themselves were quite enjoyable. Funding and accounting, scheduling skype calls and meetings, stillness promotion, travel, writing, Filastine and Kate Rich’s inspiring BBB residencies, | What has made these weeks less enjoyable was the context switching, even though the activities themselves were quite enjoyable. Funding and accounting, scheduling skype calls and meetings, stillness promotion, travel, writing, Filastine and Kate Rich’s inspiring BBB residencies, | ||
- | Context switching wasn’t the most difficult thing in September though. That place was reserved for my ambiguous relationship with the hosting community. In June, I enjoyed preparing gatherings the way I like to experience them, only to be criticised for walking over people and not fulfilling their needs. When I tried to share my own unfulfilled needs and doubts, they were met with accusations that I’m taking responsibility away from others and not allowing them to help me. I listened to the critique and stepped back to let others step up. A few people organised the community [[: | + | Context switching wasn’t the most difficult thing in September though. That place was reserved for my ambiguous relationship with the hosting community. In June, I enjoyed preparing gatherings the way I like to experience them, only to be criticised for walking over people and not fulfilling their needs. When I tried to share my own unfulfilled needs and doubts, they were met with accusations that I’m taking responsibility away from others and not allowing them to help me. I listened to the critique and stepped back to let others step up. A few people organised the community [[: |
I was looking forward to extracting parts of my memoir and translating them into a participatory session. The session included readings interspersed with short meditations. I spent a few days designing the session and felt quite inspired. I wanted to share the practices which have helped me in my darkest, most difficult moments. I had hoped that they could be as helpful to other people. I also wanted to share my writing with people who I felt close to. | I was looking forward to extracting parts of my memoir and translating them into a participatory session. The session included readings interspersed with short meditations. I spent a few days designing the session and felt quite inspired. I wanted to share the practices which have helped me in my darkest, most difficult moments. I had hoped that they could be as helpful to other people. I also wanted to share my writing with people who I felt close to. | ||
- | As a guiding theme I took the title of Treya and Ken Wilber’s book "Grace and Grit". I described seven episodes from the last seven years of my life, where the ' | + | As a guiding theme I took the title of Treya and Ken Wilber’s book [[Grace and Grit]]. I described seven episodes from the last seven years of my life, where the ' |
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With all my good intentions, I did not take into account how my selection of excerpts (with a focus on how I helped myself through dis-ease) could inadvertently hurt people who know me. Some felt guilty or even angry at me for not asking for more help, or not sharing enough, or for not acknowledging their contribution to my healing. Others felt remorse for not having done more. One of my closest friends burst into tears and a half-hour tirade of accusations that I have so much rage in me and express it in ways that only hurt others, making them feel incapable and unworthy. | With all my good intentions, I did not take into account how my selection of excerpts (with a focus on how I helped myself through dis-ease) could inadvertently hurt people who know me. Some felt guilty or even angry at me for not asking for more help, or not sharing enough, or for not acknowledging their contribution to my healing. Others felt remorse for not having done more. One of my closest friends burst into tears and a half-hour tirade of accusations that I have so much rage in me and express it in ways that only hurt others, making them feel incapable and unworthy. | ||
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The re-treat wasn’t the time to resolve such questions, so I let go of my worries and immersed myself in the sessions. They were enjoyable, yet the retreat itself wasn't flowing (for various reasons). Still, I got to sing a partisan song in a church and to co-design a sonic meditation with Stevie. I participated in playfulness and contemplation, | The re-treat wasn’t the time to resolve such questions, so I let go of my worries and immersed myself in the sessions. They were enjoyable, yet the retreat itself wasn't flowing (for various reasons). Still, I got to sing a partisan song in a church and to co-design a sonic meditation with Stevie. I participated in playfulness and contemplation, | ||
- | However, the pain that characterises most of my recent interactions with the hosting community | + | However, the pain that characterises most of my recent interactions with the hosting community |
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