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 This page is the informal log of my transiency process, in reverse chronological order.
+- 13 November
+What a week! The autumn strongly announced its presence. It is cold and rainy and dark and wet and depressing...Feels like the working season is reaching its height. Everyone is super busy and showing each other colourful agendas.
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+I'm busy too. Too busy for a year of transiency you could say. Currently dealing with 3 different rentals. One of which is a total communication disaster... So bad that i think i've reached transition point. I don't want to deal with such things anymore... From next year on i wont do any catering for large groups. Rental only is complicated enough. On the other hand when things don't go well in some ways it motivates me to do my part even better than i ever thought i could. In this case i made sure that the food was so delicious and i was so nice to everyone that in the closing speech the facilitator bursted in tears when he mentioned the hosting, space and food.
+Some positive things too. With a small Hosting group we went to the forest. I guided a short walk introducing different values that some trees stands for. Such as: Oak for traveling back in time and complexity, Hazelnut and Elder for magic and healing, Hornbeam for strength, Alder for Resistance and Future, Larch for simplicity and reproduction and Beech for fragility, beauty and caring. I like trees, i like stories about it and i like telling those stories. I see a potential for such walks working as group coaching or team building.
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+This is from the book " The Secret Life of Trees" by Peter Wohlleben
+"Why are trees such social beings? Why do they share food with their own species and sometimes even go so far as to nourish their competitors? The reasons are the same as for human communities: there are advantages to working together. A tree is not a forest. On its own, a tree cannot establish a consistent local climate. It is at the mercy of wind and weather. But together, many trees create an ecosystem that moderates extremes of heat and cold, stores a great deal of water, and generates a great deal of humidity. And in this protected environment, trees can live to be very old. To get to this point, the community must remain intact no matter what. If every tree were looking out only for itself, then quite a few of them would never reach old age. Regular fatalities would result in many large gaps in the tree canopy, which would make it easier for storms to get inside the forest and uproot more trees. The heat of summer would reach the forest floor and dry it out. Every tree would suffer.
+Every tree, therefore, is valuable to the community and worth keeping around for as long as possible. And that is why even sick individuals are supported and nourished until they recover. Next time, perhaps it will be the other way round, and the supporting tree might be the one in need of assistance.
+[…]
+A tree can be only as strong as the forest that surrounds it."
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+For a few weeks i've been exploring the possibilities of my new old Nikon F4 and getting more familiar with the many buttons and what it can do. I like it. Very slowly we start to understand each other. I feel it is a beginning of a good and long relationship...
+"Movies are made out of darkness as well as light; it is the surpassingly brief intervals of darkness between each luminous still image that makes it possible to assemble the many images into one moving picture. Without that darkness, there would only be a blur. Which is to say that a full-length movie consists of half an hour or an hour of pure darkness that goes unseen. If you could add up all the darkness, you would find the audience in the theatre gazing together at a deep imaginative night."
+Rebecca Solnit "A field guide to getting lost"
+For a while i've been taking photos from train windows. Last week i had to travel very early in the morning, just when the sun was coming up and light was not yet visible by the naked eye. This is my attempt to capture the feeling of slow transformation from darkness to light.
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+Some beautiful landscapes by Iris Hutegger. She found a brilliant way to merge photography and sewing https://www.lensculture.com/articles/iris-hutegger-textural-landscapes#slide-8
 October - 6 November
-Oh Mollenbeek!
+In a poetic piece playing on Alice in Wonderland and titled A Map of Six Impossible Things, Iranian-born, Paris-raised, New-York-based writer Lila Azam Zanganeh, author of The Enchanter: Nabokov and Happiness, imagines:
+"The impossible city is a city made of all cities. It is neither a city of the future nor a city of the past. It is a longing for the city. A city of stone and a city of glass. It is a city of spires and transparent abysses. A city of rivers streaming into an expanse of blue. It is a city of dubious beauty. Yet also a city of staggering beauty. A city of belfries harried by the screams of seagulls. A city of evergreen hills and lucid water. It is a city of children running down heaps of garbage. A city of drowsy bays and flying men and opal lakes. It is a city of sand and dunes, a city where the first and last human are covered in dust. It is a city of convents, fig-scented gardens and singing mounts. A city of redbrick castles with wide-open arms. It is a city of stone churches smelling of green water at sunup. A city of saints. It is a city of connecting islands. A city with only one weeping willow hunched over a promontory. It is a city of minarets and violet towers. A city of dreams long gone and lingering still. It is a city stippled with gold and yearning for the sun. It is all the cities you have seen and never seen. And it is the last city standing on the edge of the world, a second before the sun slips into the water."
+Oh Molenbeek!
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-This week i was truly inspired. By something very simple and very human. I was giving two workshops, two days in the Castle of Kareveld followed by three days more conventional sessions for toddlers near Tour&Taxis. Due to a unexpectedly busy schedule i was looking for the ways to cancel it. Thinking that it will tire me out and i wont be able to accomplish all i want to do this month. It did tire me out and i had lots of pain (mainly to some bizarre shoe accident) but i also observed something very beautiful.
+This week i was truly inspired by something very simple and very human. I was giving two workshops, two days in the Castle of Karreveld followed by three days of conventional sessions for toddlers near Tour&Taxis. Due to an unexpectedly busy schedule i was looking for ways to cancel it. Thinking that it will tire me out and i wont be able to accomplish all i want to do this month. It did tire me out and i had lots of pain (mainly due to some bizarre shoe accident) but i also observed something very beautiful.
-First workshop was a walk-in activity were everyone just could pass by and do some simple paintings using pancake dough and old colourful spices. It was a great success. Pieter and I ended up with a logistic problem to accommodate everyone willing to sit at our table. Some kids didn't want to move and made one painting after the other. On the second day also the fathers joined in. It is so great to see adults playing with such simple stuff and having fun.
+The first workshop was a walk-in activity were everyone just could pass by and do some simple paintings using pancake dough and old colourful spices. It was a great success. Pieter and I ended up with a logistic problem to accommodate everyone willing to sit at our table. Some kids didn't want to move and made one painting after the other. On the second day also the fathers joined in, it is so great to see adults playing with such simple stuff and having fun.
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-Second workshop was designed for very young kids (2,5-5 years) to explore sensory perception. We played with flour and soap, cooked pasta and soup, made birds out of green dough, danced, roared like animals and so much more. The group was both french and dutch speaking. So total mess you could say. But i had the most wonderful assistant. A young muslim boy (about 17 years old) that helped not only by translating but cared with so much love and commitment for the little ones and me that at some times i even questioned why do i get paid for this and not him? There was also two other young muslim boys assisting the workshop next door and them too were so unbelievably familiar, relaxed, sweet, caring, funny and so on...I was truly touched by them. Except for Jura i never experienced such a devoted assistance from the youngsters. It breaks all the stereotypes that even i had.
+The second workshop was designed for very young kids (2,5-5 years) to explore sensory perception. We played with flour and soap, Cooked pasta and soup, Made birds out of green dough, danced, roared like animals and so much more. The group was both french and dutch speaking. So, a total mess you could say. But i had the most wonderful assistant. A young muslim boy (about 17 years old) who helped not only by translating but cared with so much love and commitment for the little ones, and me, that at some times i even questioned why do i get paid for this and not him? There was also two other young muslim boys assisting the workshop next door and they too were so unbelievably familiar, relaxed, sweet, caring, funny and so on...I was truly touched by them. Except for Jura i never experienced such a devoted assistance from youngsters. It breaks all the stereotypes that even i had.
-After Brussels attacks last spring there was so much talks about how such terror acts are attacks on the western values. But seeing these boys and other muslim women working so passionately with local youth i think exactly this community and its values got attacked and hurt much more. People that are constantly busy with making sure there are no walls between languages, ethnicity, religion, economical status and just quietly building bridges between all these families living in the same area. I'm very happy and honoured i could do a little thing among them as wel. I always felt that due to my limited knowing of french i miss out on this direct interaction with such groups. Well now they speak dutch and english. So about the time i make more effort to learn french as well...
+After the Brussels attacks last spring there was so much talk about how such terror acts are an attacks on the western values. But seeing these boys and other muslim women working so passionately with the local youth i think exactly this community and its values got attacked and hurt much more. People who are constantly busy with making sure there are no walls between languages, ethnicity, religion, economical status and just quietly building bridges between all these families living in the same area. I'm very happy and honoured i could do a little thing among them as wel. I always felt that due to my limited knowledge of french i miss out on this direct interaction with such groups. Well now they speak dutch and english. So it is about time i make more effort to learn french as well...
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-Bergen  is a city where the rain is being made... It is a beautiful place but the rain!!!! Even my raincoat gave up after a day and a half and i ended up soaking wet constantly... Working with Eisa on "Host" is now a lot more relaxing. The piece holds it self. And Eisa is finding more and more freedom to perform. What an amazing artist that pushes her self to the limits every single time.
+Bergen is the city where rain made... It is a beautiful place but the rain!!!! Even my raincoat gave up after a day and a half and i ended up soaking wet constantly... Working with Eisa on "Host" is now a lot more relaxing. The piece holds itself and Eisa is finding more and more freedom to perform. What an amazing artist she is who pushes her self to the limits every single time.
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-Reading R.Solmnit "A field guide to getting lost". It is a good book to read in the unknown city. I could quote almost every second page. So many nice things written in a honest and personal way.
+Reading R.Solnit "A field guide to getting lost". It is a good book to read in an unknown city. I could quote from almost every second page. So many nice things written in an honest and personal way.
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-days in the row of space rental. This time in completely different setting. First of all we had a full house. Two guests in the tower, 30 people in the space, catering group in the kitchen, Ingrid having some of her meetings at FoAM, Jura coming and going with the bunch of her friends. It was buzzing... I kept an close eye on everyone to monitor the levels of happiness. Even with so many people and activities in space it is possible to work on different things at the same time. I've noticed that the good communication is vital. Every morning or evening i would inform everyone on what is happening where and what is there to be expected.
+days in a row of space rental. This time in a completely different setting. First of all we had a full house. Two guests in the tower, 30 people in the space, a catering group in the kitchen, Ingrid having some of her meetings at FoAM, Jura coming and going with a bunch of her friends. It was buzzing... I kept a close eye on everyone to monitor the levels of happiness. Even with so many people and activities in the space it is possible to work on different things at the same time. I've noticed that good communication is vital. Every morning or evening i would inform everyone on what is happening where and what is there to be expected.
-In the second place this time the hosting of the space most of the days i shared with our amazing Jura and with helping hand of Ingrid. This setting and not having to cook made a huge differents. I had no back pain and could read a book quietly during the time in the studio. However on the days that the tasks where not shared i could not concentrate on anything more serious. Constantly keeping an eye on the guests is sometimes very boring and tiring.
+Secondly, this time the hosting of the space for most of the days i shared with our amazing Jura and with a helping hand of Ingrid. This setting and not having to cook made a huge difference. I had no back pain and could read a book quietly during the time in the studio. However on the days that the tasks where not shared i could not concentrate on anything more serious. Constantly keeping an eye on the guests is sometimes very boring and tiring.
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-This year i'm most visible person at FoAM studio. Therefor many demands and proposals comes directly to me. People get very surprised when i refuse to do something. Trying to explain what Doing Nothing means for us and why are we doing it is not easy. Mostly after the conversation they are convinced that what they are doing is very much related to what we are (not)doing and i must do something to collaborate in one or other way on their project too. When i explain that i might but not now because i'm also in transiency and will concentrate only on the activities that are related to that. They still don't understand why i wouldn't i answer their questionairs, come to their meetings and so on... I think doing nothing or lying fallow needs as much discipline ( or even more) as doing something. It is very easy to give in and loos track of what is important.
+This year i'm most visible person at FoAM studio. Therefor many demands and proposals comes directly to me. People get very surprised when i refuse to do something. Trying to explain what Doing Nothing means for us and why are we doing it is not easy. Mostly after the conversation they are convinced that what they are doing is very much related to what we are (not)doing and i must do something to collaborate in one or other way on their project too. When i explain that i might but not now because i'm also in transiency and will concentrate only on the activities that are related to that. They still don't understand why i wouldn't answer their questions, come to their meetings and so on... I think doing nothing or lying fallow needs as much discipline ( or even more) as doing something. It is very easy to give in and lose track of what is important.
 - 16 October
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 "How charming it would be if it were possible to cause these natural images to imprint themselves durably, and remain fixed on paper." W.H. Fox Talbot
-I'm reading about the times of invention of photography. Many individuals where in search for similar things and many of them where driven by a similar frustration of not being (good enough) drawers or painters to portray their surroundings.
+I'm reading about the times of the invention of photography. Many individuals where in search for similar things and many of them where driven by a similar frustration of not being (good enough) drawers or painters to portray their surroundings.
 The first printed picture was referred as "the first known instance of a house painting its own portrait".
 I guess this year i'm driven by the similar force too. But instead of trying to portray natural accuracy i'm going for a total blend. I'm searching for pictures to achieve painting qualities by using textures and colours of the various films and clarity of the lens. The idea of letting the surroundings paint its own picture sounds very appealing to me at this time. Especially because i spend so much time in particular surrounding such as my house, garden, train and FoAM studio. The same objects, plants and people appears in my photos regularly. I'm not entirely happy with the results yet. But i like to work with the timing and movement that makes the scenery blend in colours and shadows. Somehow to me it associates with breathing patterns. Or maybe it is just a stepping stone for finally picking up the paintbrush... In any case i'm so grateful to have time to investigate it and try out all this.
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 I also want to experiment a lot more with the idea of a portrait. Reading about old methods where in order to be photographed a person had to paint it self white, sit for at least 15-30 min in the same position and put up with different lamps facing you gives me some ideas. It sounds like an cleansing ritual followed by a meditation. I'm preparing a series of workshop for young autistic people under the theme of self-portrait. While now the self portrait associates so much with an instant selfie i would like to try doing it the old way  but using more up to date equipment and see what the result of that would be and what impact it would have on the person sitting for it.
+Some works of long exposure portraits by Sebastian Palmer https://www.lensculture.com/articles/sebastian-palmer-hope-portraits-of-resilience-in-sao-paolo#slide-1
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 The week ended in Brussels with a delightful design session for a ritual with Barbara, Maja and Ingrid. I like this kind of work. It is very creative, being able to build on each others ideas and something so meaningful as wel.
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